On the night of November 4, 1998, I was at work and it was just a typical night. Around 9pm, I began having contractions.. they were pretty regular.. I was in denial.. but Ms Jean made me go home.. Momma and Suzanne made me do several things that could stop the contractions if they were false....I started getting nervous when they continued....could I be meeting my sweet baby boy in the next couple of hours??? Around 11pm, we picked up soon to be Sissy, Jessica and were on our way to the hospital....I remember a fire and fire trucks in Dixie Union..but not much else about the ride.. I remember it being cold and there being lots of bumps....Oh, what me and this little fella had been through to make it to this day...Already he had dried his mommy's tears, calmed her fears and given her more courage than anyone will ever know and he hadn't even arrived in the world yet....Oh the stories he could tell.. He had been my confidant for the last 9 months... the one person I shared everything with.. the one person that I could talk to about things that no one else really wanted to hear...
When we arrived everything went so smoothly..just like they had prepared me for..if you know me I like to be prepared, so I was pleased...:) The only thing I didn't like was that the drugs didn't start immediately!! My family filled the waiting room and Suzanne and Jessica were the ones who stayed with me...Jessica was really young and had to have special permission to stay with me..but I HAD to have her there.. this was going to be her Bubba, after all!!
After they told me that this was it and I had to stay, I was overwhelmed with emotion.. here it is...really happening.. I was surrounded by people who love me, but I can honestly say I've never felt more alone in all of my life...I had to pull it together...here we go.....
I had the most horrible nurse EVER!! She was a little grey haired lady with a perm...She would say Miss Nobles.. you have to move around for the enema to work... what she didn't know was that I had been moving around..but because of the enema.. I couldn't for long..I truly disliked her!! I was sooo hungry.. and for some reason I couldn't eat at all....again, if you know me I HAVE to eat..all the time...My Daddy finally promised me that he would bring me a big bag of Krystal as soon as it was all over.. that made me happy!! ( it became a tradition..after Walt and Karsyn were born, my sweet daddy came in with an armfull of Krystal!! WOnderful man!) After a contraction, Suzanne or Jessica would give me Skittles..we had to be sneaky!! The mean little nurse came in and we would hide them...once she moved my sheet to check my belly and a skittle fell on the floor..Jessica and Suzanne moved so fast you would have thought it was a grenade!! I couldn't do a thing.. the belly and the mean nurse were in my way.. thankfully we weren't caught.. who knows what would've happened if we had been...;)
If you have any memories of this special day, feel free to share them... I was drugged and it has been 11 years!!
I remember lots of phone calls,pain, wet rags on my head, Ice chips, pain, Suzanne or Jessica touching my feet.. I had to have someone touching me at all times.. I had to know that I really wasn't alone.. that someone was there for me and this precious baby, did I mention pain???, I remember hearing him move on the monitors, hearing his heartbeat and the pain!!
Around 2pm on Nov 5 I got my epidural..a true miracle!!! The doctor told Suzanne and Jessica they should nap..(famous last words) that it would be at least 3 hours before Master Xavier made his appearance...Suzanne went to the waiting room and Jessica laid her head at my feet...still touching me....I started feeling strange really quickly and I figured it was just the meds..the nurse came in.. ( a new sweet precious lady) and I told her how I felt and she decided to check me...oh yeah.. I will never forget the next words out of her mouth.. she told Jessica to go and get her Aunt Suzanne that we were about to have a baby....oh, and something else I remember.. this lady said that I was the sweetest patient she had ever had...and I remember all of the nurses and staff being anxious to meet Mr Xavier.. our situation and his name and apparently my sweetness, drew lots of attention!!
When the nurse told Sissy that we were about to have a baby I said excuse me???No... you said I had three hours...I'm prepared to wait 3 hours.. I'm not ready!!! Not in the plans..typical Xavier...I don't know why I was expecting anything else!!
Everything was happening so quickly...I was scared, I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't..but even though this day had come about not by the most ideal circumstances, I had been waiting for it since I was a little girl... I had always wanted to be a mommy and now here it was.. I was determined....this was a moment that would NEVER come again, the birth of my first child.. the birth of MY son...
Suzanne and Jessica played such an important role in all of this.. they were true heroes...mentally, physically, emotionally , I was exhausted...truly exhausted...I couldn't have done it without them...
I pushed only a few times and they announced that he had crowned..this is gross..but I could not even sit up to push again because his feet were still in my chest..I remember thinking Oh My.. he's going to be a giant!!! Finally we got him moved around, one last push and at 3:01pm on Nov 5, 1998, my beautiful, very long, baby boy took his first breath!! It was more than words can express.. and I know it's like this for everyone..but I was amazed.. I had done this... me, Xavier & God..What a miracle!! He was real...a precious little boy who would forever more serve as a reminder of many things, but most importantly, the grace of a forgiving God.
He was 7lbs 6.5 ozs and 21 1/2 inches long.. I was totally amazed that he had come out of me!! WOW!!! Now, looking back he looks so tiny....(and I look so rough!)
After a while I was wheeled down the hall in my bed... the closest I've ever come to being a princess!!! Everyone was waiting for us... I couldn't wait for him to meet my Daddy and My Momma...actually I couldn't wait to show them what I had done!!! What a wonderful little fella had come from 8 months of turbulance!! My Prize!!!
Mind you, this was no cake walk.. I was filled with sadness, confusion and as full of joy as I was.. I was filled with loss....something (someone) was missing this....I have come to realize the penalty of sin is one that is always with you....something I will gladly bear as long a I can kiss that sweet little towhead while he sleeps every night!!
Nurses and hospital staff stopped by to check on us on a regular basis..Xavier was the highlight of the floor...what a beautiful baby boy!!
I remember lots of blue balloons and bows. I remember talking with Xavier when we were alone and promising him that I would make it all ok.. forever and always. I remember declaring to him that we would always be a team and that we would always win!!
This (as it is for most mother's) was the best day of my life... this day gave me something to live for..it gave me a purpose.. a determination.. this day made me who I am.. it defines me!!! I got a grip on myself and vowed to get a grip on my life....
Xavier and I shared our 1st eskimo kiss on this day..and I have made him a book that has the pic of it and a letter for him.. Every year on his birthday, we get a pic of us eskimo kissing and I put it in the book with another letter...it's our special sign..me & him forever!!!
I could not have made it through my pregnancy, Xavier's birth, or the past almost 11 years without the support and prayers of my family, my church family and my friends...
Our journey is continuing...and we are quickly approaching a new chapter..please keep our family in your prayers..
I am including the lyrics to a song that I sang to Xavier all of the time when I would rock him...I'm sure it's meant as a love song..but it's my song to him....the Love of my life!!
"Feels Like Home"
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light
Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
Over the next few weeks, I'm planning on sharing some pics and stories from Xavier's 11 years in my life!!
I hope you enjoy...he's my treasure and my very 1st piece of paradise!!
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