Friday, October 23, 2009

A year of Firsts....


Xavier's first year was very busy, to say the least...
Just a few weeks after his birth, he had his first Thanksgiving and then his first Christmas...It was a wonderful time for me..a time of growing..a time of learning..

I was determined for us to have a perfect Christmas together..haha!! Christmas Eve morning I had all of his presents ready under our tree in our room.. He had on his cute little Christmas Pj's and after breakfast, just he and I went into our room and shut the door.. oh how precious.. just me & Xave to open his very first presents...yeah..whatever.. He screamed basically the whole time...I was exhausted by the time we got finished...My first test as a mother.. things won't always go as planned..;)..but he was really cute snuggled up with his big pooh and the singing magnets for the fridge were his all time favorite!!
Xavier had his first new years and then his first Valentines Day. Late in February he had some very special visitors...Bro Chris, Ms Christine, Rachel and Katie Walker came all the way from Virgina to visit!!! This story would not be complete without this precious family!! They had been there from the beginning..praying..praying..praying.. for me & my little man. They moved right before he was born and it was a very sad time for all of us..they loved him already and we were all so sad that they wouldn't be able to be there when he arrived..but here they were..ready to meet!! The girls and Mallory loved to play with him like he was a babydoll and they loved having their pics made with him..

It was during this visit that we discovered a new allergy that he had..mind you the little fella already had severe asthma, and now he had little round circles on his back.. I had no idea.. they looked like ring worms...weird.. but come to find out he is allergic to nickel..it was a rash from the snaps on his sleeper...wow... to this day we have to paint clear fingernail polish over his buttons on his jeans...buckles on his belts...uggghhh...When he was a little older he wanted a chain like his Poppa's and Kellan's.. we got him one but he was never able to wear it for too long because he would break out... He still has it upstairs in his box....he wishes he was able to wear it..:(..ok I got way off track about that.. but the Walker's visit was wonderful...it was a refreshing renewal of my spirit and my faith. and by the time they left, they had fallen in love with the angel boy!!
The week after they left..we traveled to Maggie Valley, NC, for Xavier's first ski trip...what a cutie pie he was bundled up into all those warm clothes....It was a church trip with several people from our church..but the group mainly was our family!!


We had a great time skiing.. and playing in the snow..but you will see from the pictures.. I had another one of those mother experiences.. I wanted to take Xavier out to the snow and play..because for some reason, I thought he would like it...??? He was not happy... he wanted to go back to the lodge where it was nice and warm..and where his bottle was...oh, yes I was learning quick...

During this time I was working at night at DLLee's, figuring weights on the trucks that went out 1st thing in the morning...it was a wonderful job..it allowed me to be able to go to school and work.. again... we were blessed...My Sister, Suzanne would watch him during the day when I would drive to Valdosta..I would come home...do homework or whatever else there was to do..play with my baby and bathe him and then head out to work..



He stayed with momma and daddy while I was working...I was so blessed to have such wonderful help..many days momma and Xavier would ride with me to school.. they would play in the park or walk around.. he loved the fountain in front of West Hall.. he still says he remembers that and always wants to go back....he loved my momma and daddy so much..and they were and still are completely smitten with him. He would sit with daddy or momma at the desk and work, most of the time when I came in from work he would be asleep on my daddy's chest in the bed or either momma would be holding him in the rocking chair...I remember she had a special Winnie the Pooh pillow that she had behind her back so it wouldn't hurt while she rocked..??random..



We sang to him and read lots of books.. I was your typical first time mother..determined that he was going to be brilliant!!
Anytime I went out with my friends to eat..Xavier was always invited.. he was the new life of the party.. I remember my friend, Tina..held him and it was the first time she had ever held a baby.. she cried!! and she was also worried that he was going to drown from drinking so much milk!!LOL!


I remember cooling off those teether toys in the refrigerator..and keeping up with every move he mad on a calendar that had stickers...just random things...
Xavier's first Easter came in April...oh what fun..he had to hunt eggs from his stroller because he was too big for me to carry around...he would put the eggs into his mouth and try and eat them...we had a mess..but soooo much fun!!


My first Mother's Day came in May I was sooo proud!! Xavier got me a corsage.. it was yellow and soo beautiful!! I won a plant for being the youngest mother at church...It is a title that I held until last year!! I have a great group of pretty plants thanks to him!!

Xavier's first trip to the beach came mid May.. We stayed at Mr Jerry's condo in Fernandina with Sissy Jessica and a few of her friends....Oh what a wonderful time away!! He loved the sand and the water.. loved the pool and especially the mirrors on the wall in the condo.. he layed there for a while and just watched himself....


Nothing has changed much since these days...he is a boy who, like his momma, lives for the beach.. he loves it!! ( and he also still likes to look at himself in mirrors!!LOL)



Around this time, I had began to date, Joe. What a blessing he was in our lives...
Joe and I had been friends for a couple of years..he was always sooo sweet and we enjoyed hanging out with our group of friends...I NEVER would have thought that I would date him..much less spend the rest of my life with him... I had other plans...this makes the Lord laugh, I'm sure!! He had asked me out several times..and I kept saying no....I didn't want to handle another relationship....my best friend Jessica's dad had just passed away, she was also getting married and I had a baby boy, school and a job....thank goodness Joe was determined..it was like he knew something that I didn't.
I'll take a chance to tell our story..which is kinda like a fairy tale..later...but I knew that Joe was different when he came to pick me up for our first "real" date.. he was early and I was in the middle of giving Xavier a breathing treatment..which was less than enjoyable for both of us...and Joe just came right in and helped out like he had done that all of his life.. he was a natural from the beginning..:) Joe would always send me & Xavier flowers for no reason...he accepted both of us..we like to joke that he got a 2 for 1 special..;)..Xavier and I were the ones who really got the special...Joe's family is simply amazing...Ms Katryna and Mr Joe have loved both of us unconditionally from the moment they laid eyes on us....they have never, not even once treated us as anything other than family...Xavier was immediately one of the MANY Hayes boys and got regular 4 wheeler rides on Sunday afternoons at the sand dunes with Uncle Speck..Joe..Justin and Austin..this was what I had prayed for...my prayers were being answered..maybe not in the way I had thought they should be..but the Lord was continually showing me that He always has a plan and thankfully, the plans that we have for our lives are not always the same ones that he has for us..His plans are far better!!


By July, I had a full time job keeping up with Mr. Xavier.. he was pulling up..going all over the place and bigger than ever.. He would make a game of opening his dresser drawer and emptying the contents all over the floor.. at this point I was still a neat freak and going crazy on a regular basis..


Xavier got the rotovirus mid July..it was wonderful!! We had a hospital stay and it's the first time I think that I had a momma fit!! They wanted to put him in one of those hospital cribs.. it looked simply horrible.. I still cringe thinking about it..like something in an orphanage..no way would he sleep in one of those!! I had to hold him in the hospital bed all day..something that was fine with me as long as he didn't have to stay in one of those cribs!! He was so sick..he wasn't much trouble except for all of the dirty diapers!!


Joe & I still joke because this was when he feels he was christened as a father...He was helping me and changing the latest diaper when Xavier decided to go again and went all over poor Joe.. bless him.. he was such a good sport!! My momma and Daddy helped me with Xavier so much during this hospital visit and we had many other visitors to keep us entertained...
It's so funny now looking at these pictures he had a classic expression that he had (and still has) on his face at all times. Mr Serious!! He was so chubby and adorable... I have been blessed!!!
In August, Xavier took his very first airplane ride....we went all alone.just me & him to Virgina.. I remember the stewardesses loved him.. he was soooo good. We visited Bro Chris, Ms Christine, Rachel and Katie for Xavier's dedication.


It was very important for he to have him dedicated to the Lord and even more important that Bro Chris do it. The Lord, I believe, gave Xavier to me so that I would always have a reminder of His forgivness, grace and mercy and also so that I could see through a broken heart, the goodness, love and selflessness of so many people. We had a wonderful visit..I remember us being at this fancy restaurant and Xavier was playing with the silverware.. he wasn't being too loud.. I was just glad he wasn't screaming..but the little man that worked there came and took his silverware...I was mortified...(it wouldn't be the last time..;))

Xavier also got his first big booboo there.. ( you can see it in the pic above, on the left)..he was pulling up on the girls entertainment center and fell and hit his head..right btwn his eyes.. it left a mark and almost killed me..little did I know that it would get much worse as he got older....
In October, Xavier and I had our first trip to the Expo in Moultrie..it was a special trip because we went with Joe and his family.. it was something that Joe had done every year with his mom and dad for as long as he could remember.. they were a farming family when Joe was in school and this was a pretty important thing in their lives!!

How great for Joe to be able to share this with Xavier... it still gives me chill bumps, thinking about how God just allowed all of this to fall into place..just like the pieces of a very complex puzzle coming together with no problem...Xavier had been around tractors with my daddy..goodness even when he was tiny daddy would ride him on the Bulldozers, Excavators and in the big trucks.. he loved it all, but this began his love for tractors, John Deere tractors, to be exact.. oh my goodness...this baby loved tractors.. the only other things that came close were dinosaurs and of course..his momma..:)



Xavier got his first puppy during October, also. She was Coley..a choc lab... oh how he loved her and how she loved to eat everything.. Joe would come home and find the neighbors shoes and other stuff everyday.. he was constantly having to apologize for Miss Coley!!



For his first Halloween, Xavier was a dinosaur..a very cute dinosaur!! He could roar just like one.. of course we all thought it was the cutest thing ever!!!



Nov 5, 1999, came all to fast for me..my baby was a whole year old..we had made it..
My momma always made every occasion so special.. we would wake up to prizes all around us on these special days.. I am so thankful that she raised us to celebrate...anything!! Its one of my family's favorite things to do...we will have a party for just about anything(especially a very special boy's 1st birthday)!!


I vowed to continue this tradition..I was so excited to wake Xavier up and open his gifts..it was an emotional day..always has been and I think always will be.. the one day a year that I can't seem to run from the sadness, the memories..but he is always so precious...the sadness always passes quickly!! He got so many gifts, I can't even remember.. I do remember a big Eeyore to go with his Pooh...he loved to snuggle with them. and I remember Joe got him hunting boots and overalls..and monster truck shirt. It's so funny to me now because I always joked that at least I didn't have a man trying to tell me how to dress Xavier!! I always had him in JonJons or on something too cute!! Joe thought it was time he have boy clothes....


His first party was fun!! It was Thomas.. I wanted to him to love trains..from the beginning, I had collected them for him.. but as usual, Xavier had his own ideas about things.. he wound up being a tractor boy!! but this party was Thomas and the blue icing was too cute all over him after he ate his cake!! We had the whole playroom full of balloons..all different colors, family and friends.. he loved it..the balloons were better than all of the toys!!


These were just a few of the "firsts" and adventures that we had in this busy year..we were so excited about what the next year would hold..more changes..Joe would become a husband.. I would be come a wife....could it be??..we were going to become a family....My paradise was being added to daily!!!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

The day that changed my life forever


On the night of November 4, 1998, I was at work and it was just a typical night. Around 9pm, I began having contractions.. they were pretty regular.. I was in denial.. but Ms Jean made me go home.. Momma and Suzanne made me do several things that could stop the contractions if they were false....I started getting nervous when they continued....could I be meeting my sweet baby boy in the next couple of hours??? Around 11pm, we picked up soon to be Sissy, Jessica and were on our way to the hospital....I remember a fire and fire trucks in Dixie Union..but not much else about the ride.. I remember it being cold and there being lots of bumps....Oh, what me and this little fella had been through to make it to this day...Already he had dried his mommy's tears, calmed her fears and given her more courage than anyone will ever know and he hadn't even arrived in the world yet....Oh the stories he could tell.. He had been my confidant for the last 9 months... the one person I shared everything with.. the one person that I could talk to about things that no one else really wanted to hear...
When we arrived everything went so smoothly..just like they had prepared me for..if you know me I like to be prepared, so I was pleased...:) The only thing I didn't like was that the drugs didn't start immediately!! My family filled the waiting room and Suzanne and Jessica were the ones who stayed with me...Jessica was really young and had to have special permission to stay with me..but I HAD to have her there.. this was going to be her Bubba, after all!!
After they told me that this was it and I had to stay, I was overwhelmed with emotion.. here it is...really happening.. I was surrounded by people who love me, but I can honestly say I've never felt more alone in all of my life...I had to pull it together...here we go.....
I had the most horrible nurse EVER!! She was a little grey haired lady with a perm...She would say Miss Nobles.. you have to move around for the enema to work... what she didn't know was that I had been moving around..but because of the enema.. I couldn't for long..I truly disliked her!! I was sooo hungry.. and for some reason I couldn't eat at all....again, if you know me I HAVE to eat..all the time...My Daddy finally promised me that he would bring me a big bag of Krystal as soon as it was all over.. that made me happy!! ( it became a tradition..after Walt and Karsyn were born, my sweet daddy came in with an armfull of Krystal!! WOnderful man!) After a contraction, Suzanne or Jessica would give me Skittles..we had to be sneaky!! The mean little nurse came in and we would hide them...once she moved my sheet to check my belly and a skittle fell on the floor..Jessica and Suzanne moved so fast you would have thought it was a grenade!! I couldn't do a thing.. the belly and the mean nurse were in my way.. thankfully we weren't caught.. who knows what would've happened if we had been...;)
If you have any memories of this special day, feel free to share them... I was drugged and it has been 11 years!!
I remember lots of phone calls,pain, wet rags on my head, Ice chips, pain, Suzanne or Jessica touching my feet.. I had to have someone touching me at all times.. I had to know that I really wasn't alone.. that someone was there for me and this precious baby, did I mention pain???, I remember hearing him move on the monitors, hearing his heartbeat and the pain!!
Around 2pm on Nov 5 I got my epidural..a true miracle!!! The doctor told Suzanne and Jessica they should nap..(famous last words) that it would be at least 3 hours before Master Xavier made his appearance...Suzanne went to the waiting room and Jessica laid her head at my feet...still touching me....I started feeling strange really quickly and I figured it was just the meds..the nurse came in.. ( a new sweet precious lady) and I told her how I felt and she decided to check me...oh yeah.. I will never forget the next words out of her mouth.. she told Jessica to go and get her Aunt Suzanne that we were about to have a baby....oh, and something else I remember.. this lady said that I was the sweetest patient she had ever had...and I remember all of the nurses and staff being anxious to meet Mr Xavier.. our situation and his name and apparently my sweetness, drew lots of attention!!
When the nurse told Sissy that we were about to have a baby I said excuse me???No... you said I had three hours...I'm prepared to wait 3 hours.. I'm not ready!!! Not in the plans..typical Xavier...I don't know why I was expecting anything else!!
Everything was happening so quickly...I was scared, I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't..but even though this day had come about not by the most ideal circumstances, I had been waiting for it since I was a little girl... I had always wanted to be a mommy and now here it was.. I was determined....this was a moment that would NEVER come again, the birth of my first child.. the birth of MY son...










Suzanne and Jessica played such an important role in all of this.. they were true heroes...mentally, physically, emotionally , I was exhausted...truly exhausted...I couldn't have done it without them...





I pushed only a few times and they announced that he had crowned..this is gross..but I could not even sit up to push again because his feet were still in my chest..I remember thinking Oh My.. he's going to be a giant!!! Finally we got him moved around, one last push and at 3:01pm on Nov 5, 1998, my beautiful, very long, baby boy took his first breath!! It was more than words can express.. and I know it's like this for everyone..but I was amazed.. I had done this... me, Xavier & God..What a miracle!! He was real...a precious little boy who would forever more serve as a reminder of many things, but most importantly, the grace of a forgiving God.
He was 7lbs 6.5 ozs and 21 1/2 inches long.. I was totally amazed that he had come out of me!! WOW!!! Now, looking back he looks so tiny....(and I look so rough!)



After a while I was wheeled down the hall in my bed... the closest I've ever come to being a princess!!! Everyone was waiting for us... I couldn't wait for him to meet my Daddy and My Momma...actually I couldn't wait to show them what I had done!!! What a wonderful little fella had come from 8 months of turbulance!! My Prize!!!



Mind you, this was no cake walk.. I was filled with sadness, confusion and as full of joy as I was.. I was filled with loss....something (someone) was missing this....I have come to realize the penalty of sin is one that is always with you....something I will gladly bear as long a I can kiss that sweet little towhead while he sleeps every night!!
Nurses and hospital staff stopped by to check on us on a regular basis..Xavier was the highlight of the floor...what a beautiful baby boy!!
I remember lots of blue balloons and bows. I remember talking with Xavier when we were alone and promising him that I would make it all ok.. forever and always. I remember declaring to him that we would always be a team and that we would always win!!
This (as it is for most mother's) was the best day of my life... this day gave me something to live for..it gave me a purpose.. a determination.. this day made me who I am.. it defines me!!! I got a grip on myself and vowed to get a grip on my life....




Xavier and I shared our 1st eskimo kiss on this day..and I have made him a book that has the pic of it and a letter for him.. Every year on his birthday, we get a pic of us eskimo kissing and I put it in the book with another letter...it's our special sign..me & him forever!!!
I could not have made it through my pregnancy, Xavier's birth, or the past almost 11 years without the support and prayers of my family, my church family and my friends...
Our journey is continuing...and we are quickly approaching a new chapter..please keep our family in your prayers..
I am including the lyrics to a song that I sang to Xavier all of the time when I would rock him...I'm sure it's meant as a love song..but it's my song to him....the Love of my life!!




"Feels Like Home"

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

Over the next few weeks, I'm planning on sharing some pics and stories from Xavier's 11 years in my life!!
I hope you enjoy...he's my treasure and my very 1st piece of paradise!!